How to Advocate for Yourself at the Doctor (Even When It's Awkward)

One of the most essential skills you can learn as you get older? How to advocate for yourself at the doctor. If you’ve ever walked out of a doctor’s office feeling like you weren’t heard, weren’t helped, or worse—were dismissed entirely—you’re not alone.

And if you’re dealing with an ongoing issue like hormonal acne, eczema, rosacea, or autoimmune symptoms, self-advocacy can be the difference between getting brushed off and getting the help you need.

This is written from the perspective of someone who’s been there. After years of hormonal acne and alopecia, misdiagnoses, and dismissals, I’ve learned how to speak up without (barely any) shame. Here’s a practical guide on how you can do the same.

1. Come Prepared (and Practise What You’re Going to Say)

When you only have 10 or 15 minutes with a doctor, preparation can make or break your appointment. It’s not just about remembering everything—it’s about setting the tone early, stating your concerns clearly, and making sure the conversation centers around your priorities.

Coming in with a plan can also ease anxiety. If you tend to get flustered, forget details, or downplay your symptoms (hi, people-pleasers), this is your permission to bring a notebook, pull out your phone, or even read from a script. Your health is not the time to be polite at the expense of clarity.

Before your appointment, try doing these three things:

• Write down your top 1–3 concerns. Be specific. Instead of just saying “I have acne,” try “I’ve had persistent cystic acne along my jawline for over a year, and it flares before my period.”
• Practise your opening line out loud. This helps you feel more confident and less shaky in the moment.
• Bring a bullet-point list of symptoms, timelines, and past treatments. It’s easy to forget important details when you're in the hot seat.

Instead of starting with backstory or waiting for the doctor to ask questions, open strong with your main concern.

Example Opening Line:

“The main reason I’m here is because my acne is severely affecting my mental health, and I want to explore possible underlying causes—not just surface treatments.”

Other Lines to Practise:

• “Could we run blood tests to check for hormonal imbalances?”
• “What would it take for us to investigate this further?”
• “Can you walk me through your thinking if we’re not doing any testing?”
• “If this isn’t something you handle directly, could you refer me to someone who does?”

You’re not being difficult. You’re being clear. And clarity is kindness—to yourself and your care provider.

2. Know What to Ask For (and Look Up the Tests)

One of the biggest turning points in my own skin journey was realizing I didn’t have to wait for a doctor to bring something up—I could ask.

You don’t need a medical degree to advocate for yourself, just a few well-informed questions and a clear sense of what you’re hoping to rule out or understand.

If you’re dealing with a chronic skin issue, there are often underlying causes that don’t get explored in a standard 10-minute appointment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t bring them into the conversation.

Here are some common skin concerns, and the kinds of tests or conversations you might want to have with your doctor:

Hormonal acne tests

‍If you have recurring breakouts around your chin and jawline, flare-ups before your period, or acne that appeared or worsened in adulthood, it’s worth looking into hormone imbalances and metabolic health.

‍Ask about testing for:

• ‍‍Androgens (testosterone, DHEAS)
• LH, FSH, estradiol, progesterone
• Fasting insulin and glucose
• Thyroid function: TSH, free T3, free T4

Try saying: “Can we check my hormone and insulin levels to rule out any internal drivers for this acne?”

Rosacea tests

‍Rosacea isn’t just about flushing or redness—it can be linked to gut health, inflammation, and even stress. If your rosacea flares with certain foods, heat, or anxiety, you might want to explore:

• A SIBO breath test (to check for bacterial overgrowth in the gut)
• Food sensitivity or allergy testing
• Triggers from skincare or lifestyle

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Try saying: “I’ve read that gut health and diet can sometimes impact rosacea—are there tests or approaches we could explore?”

Eczema tests

‍Chronic eczema can be driven by allergens, immune issues, or even deficiencies. If your flare-ups feel unmanageable or seem random, you could ask about:

• Allergy testing (both environmental and food)
• Vitamin D levels
• Autoimmune markers like ANA or ESR

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Try saying: “Would it be worth exploring allergy or autoimmune testing to get to the root of this?”

Alopecia (Hair Loss)

‍Hair loss, especially when it’s sudden or patchy, deserves to be taken seriously. Even if your blood work looks “normal,” some levels might not be optimal for hair health. You might want to check:

• Ferritin (iron stores)—many dermatologists suggest levels should be above 50 for hair regrowth
• Thyroid function
• Autoimmune screening, especially if you have other unexplained symptoms

Try saying: “Can we look deeper into my iron and thyroid levels? I’ve read they can really affect alopecia.”

Persistent or Treatment-Resistant Acne

‍If you’ve tried multiple topicals, antibiotics, or even Accutane and your acne keeps coming back, something deeper may be going on. Bring up the possibility of:

• A full hormone and metabolic panel
• Gut health issues (like bacterial imbalances)
• Nutrient deficiencies: zinc, B vitamins, vitamin D

Try saying: “Since my acne hasn’t responded to surface-level treatments, could we explore whether something systemic might be contributing?”

3. Be Clear, Not Apologetic

Many of us—especially women, chronically ill people, or anyone socialised to defer to authority—have been taught not to “make a fuss.” But downplaying your symptoms doesn’t help you get better care.

Avoid:

• “It’s not a big deal, I’m probably overthinking it.”
• “Sorry if I’m wasting your time.”

Instead, try:

• “This might not be life-threatening, but it’s affecting my mental health and daily life.”
• “I’ve tried over-the-counter treatments and need support understanding what’s going on.”

“Being clear doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you easier to help.”

4. When the Vibe Is Dismissive: What to Say

Sometimes, even if you’re prepared, the vibe is off. Maybe the doctor seems rushed or minimizes your concerns. This is unfortunately common—but there are respectful ways to push back.

Try these:

• “Can we slow down for a moment?”
• “I understand this might not seem urgent, but it’s significantly impacting me.”
• “Can you explain your rationale for not recommending any testing or treatment?”
• “If you were in my position, what would you want to explore next?”

If the energy still doesn’t shift, that’s not on you. It’s okay to seek care elsewhere.

5. Keep a Paper Trail

This is underrated but so helpful, especially if you’re seeing multiple providers or tracking long-term issues.

Bring:

• A timeline of symptoms and treatments
• A list of medications, supplements, and anything you’ve tried
• A request for copies of test results or notes from each visit

Consider keeping a dedicated health notebook, app, or folder—it helps build continuity even if you switch doctors.

The content on Crowd Sorcery is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider before starting any new treatment or supplement.